Christmas Shopping
by BinaryRocks
Summary: Eddie isn't having the best Christmas, but its a good thing Scarecrow is there to make him feel better. Or drag him shopping. Riddler/Scarecrow Rated T for language. Merry Christmas, everyone.


Merry Non-apocalypse! And Christmas. You know, that thing that we completely forgot until after the 21st? I woke up on Monday, realized it was Christmas, and said, "Holy Snapnazle, its Christmas! When did that happen?" So yeah… Don't know if it's just me or… Well, have a fluffy Christmas fic from Gotham! With Riddler/Scarecrow. Because.

Also, this is a bit AU because Renegade only shows up once in the series, but hey, I'm having him be more involved with the Rouges. And for those of you who don't know who Renegade is, he's Nightwing pretending to be evil. So, basically, awesomeness incarnate.

Oh, and I still unfortunately don't own the DC universe. Darn.

I do now own a tardis hat and socks. Its awesome. Especially because the hat is hand-knitted by my wonderful grandmother.

"_It's the most wonderful time, It's the most wonderful time, It's the-"_

The radio stopped playing as its internal workings were crushed by the brick that was thrown at it. The thrower of aforementioned brick, one Edward Nygma, sat down on the couch and glared at the Christmas tree that Harley had made him put up.

"Wonderful, my ass," he stared out the window at the falling snow, "Too cold, too snowy, too wet, too cheerful. Humph. Stupid Christmas." He paused for a moment to watch the people milling about on the street below, "What do they even have to be happy about? This city is still hell, people are still killing each other. Stupid happy idiots."

"Sounds like someone is jealous."

The redhead jumped at the sound of Jonathan's voice, and turned to face his friend, "How did you get in here?"

"Through the front door."

"But-"

"Or did you mean, 'how did I get in here without you noticing'?" Jonathan smirked and walked over to Edward's window side seat and sat down next to him, "So, am I correct in saying you are jealous?"

"Jealous? What do they have that would make _me_ jealous?"

Jonathan laughed quietly, "Quite a few things. For one, they are enjoying themselves."

"Why would that-"

"Shh. Listen. They are enjoying themselves, and you are not. You want to be enjoying yourself, but you don't know how, so you get mad at them. It's a very basic chemical reaction in the brain that originates-"

"I don't care! They're still stupid!"

"That may be so, but they are not stupid for being happy around Christmas time."

"I don't care."

"You… need to get into the Christmas spirit," Jonathan got up, dragging Riddler with him.

"Wha- hey, stop!"

"Were going shopping. Put on a coat."

"No we aren't! We are not going-"

"Yes we are," he shoved a coat onto the redhead's arms, "and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Hey! Let me go! I'm not going shopping!"

"You're so cute when you're delusional."

"I'm not de-" Riddler stopped, and Jonathan took that opportunity to drag him to the car, "What did you say?"

"I said you were delusional."

"No, before-" Edward was cut off as Jonathan shoved him in the passenger seat, and got in on the other side.. They drove in slightly awkward silence for a while, until Edward asked Jonathan a question, "Did you seriously call me cute?"

"I believe so, but since you are asking for clarification, I may not have."

"You called me cute."

"Yes."

"You called me cute."

"Is there a point to this?"

"I want out. Now."

"Well," An insane smile split Jonathan's face, "that's just too bad for you then, now isn't it?"

"Why don't these damn doors unlock?"

"You may as well face it Eddie, you're stuck with me for the day."

"If there is a god, kill me now!"

"Don't make me handcuff our wrists together."

Riddler's face took on a look of pure horror, "You wouldn't."

"I would."

"And this is why I hate Christmas." He crossed his arms and sunk down in the seat.

"Oh, come now! I have _never_ kidnapped you and forced you to go shopping before this year!"

"Are you implying that this is going to happen again?"

"Possibly…," came the singsong reply.

"Ohgodohnoohshit- I hate my life."

"It won't be that bad," He pulled into a parking garage, "Shopping time!" Jonathan dragged the protesting criminal mastermind out of the car and over to the entrance."

"No no no no! nonononononononononono! I don't wanna go shopping! It will be crowded and everything will be way too expensive and there will be screaming children-"

"Which you are acting like."

"Hey! I-Ow! Don't pull my ear-ow ow ow! Jon- stop it- ow!"

Despite all of Edward's protests, he still ended up spending the rest of the day shopping with the Scarecrow. And by the end of the day, Jonathan had succeeded in getting Edward into the Christmas spirit.

"Jon! We should drive around the city and look at all the Christmas lights!"

"Jonathan smiled, "that sounds like fun, but have you gotten gifts for everyone yet?"

"Ye-wait. Would it be okay to get a gift for Nightwing? Or would that be weird?"

"No, I think he'd appreciate it," Jonathan looked up at the dark sky, rubbing his exposed fingers together, "That's a good idea."

"Why are you wearing cutoff gloves?"

"Because they make my hands look fabulous."

"… but your fingers are cold."

"Fabulous."

"But cold."

"Fabulously cold."

"But-"

"Come on," he pulled the warmly dressed redhead towards the nearest mall, "Lets go find something for our favorite flying mammal."

"What would he even want?"

"Probably something sharp and pointy."

"I don't-"

"We're getting him a crossbow."

"I-," Riddler smiled, "this is an excellent idea. I'm sure the Bat will be thrilled to find out that Renegade has a crossbow."

"Considering his reaction when Renegade acquired a set of throwing knives from Zsasz…"

"Oh god."

"This will be fun. Remind me why Gotham has a medieval weaponry shop."

"I don't know. Wait, what? Where?"

"Over there."

"What sane person runs a medieval weaponry shop in Gotham?"

"Good question. Lets go find out." They walked over to the shop titled _The Armory_ and went inside. A young woman at the counter welcomed them, "Hello! You two looking for anything in particular?"

"Yes, you wouldn't happen to carry crossbows?" Riddler asked as Jonathan was distracted by the various sharp and shiny things adorning the walls.

"Yep. You looking for heavy, light, or medium ones?"

"Umm.."

"Medium."

"What he said."

"Okay, crossbows! By the way, I do need to see a license. Its silly, because I can tell you both are over 18, but legal stuffs, you know…" she trailed off while getting several crossbows down from the wall.

"Uhm," Edward glanced back at Jonathan, "Who's name are we putting this under?"

"That depends on how much it costs."

"Oh ha ha, very funny."

"Mine," he walked over to the counter, "Lets get him that black one."

"Okay, that's $175, well, $174.99 really. Are you going to be getting anything else?"

"No, although that sword does look nice, it's a little out of my price range right now."

"Alright then! Did you want the bolts and quiver as well?"

"Yes."

"Okay," she tapped a few buttons on the register and got out a box, "May I see your ID?"

"Of course," Jonathan pulled out his driver's license while Edward fidgeted nervously.

"Jon-"

"Hush, Eddie. Here it is."

She took the small card and looked it over, and promptly started laughing, "I am so blogging about this! This is awesome!"

"Glad you're so happy."

"Wait," Riddler was confused by the woman's reaction, "Why aren't you trying to turn us in?"

"Because you guys are awesome."

"Right, slightly un-confused. Still very confused."

"Eddie, were you unaware that we have fan clubs?"

The redhead looked at his taller friend with a mixture of shock and horror on his face.

"Going to take that as a no."

"We- we don't- actually…"

The woman interrupted, " You do. All of the villains here in Gotham do. So do the heroes."

"Wh-why?"

"Because we're crazy too."

"Ummmmmm…"

"Well, thank you for the crossbow, I'm sure Renegade will enjoy it, but we have other plans for the evening that don't involve possibly sadistic fan girls! Lets go," Jonathan grabbed Riddler's arm and started to leave.

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Are you guys a couple?"

"No! Why would you even-"

"Absolutely. Good day." Jonathan left the shop, leaving the grinning shopkeeper to herself.

"Jon, we are not a-" Riddler's sentence was cut short by Jonathan kissing him.

"Yes we are. Now lets go look at some lights."

Edward dizzily followed Jonathan, "Somehow I feel like I should have more of a problem with this than I do."

"Meh," Jonathan pulled the shorter man closer, "Get used to it."

_**Christmas Day**_

Richard's face was split with an ear to ear grin as he looked down into the large box in his lap.

"What'd you get?" Tim asked.

Richard didn't say anything, instead opting to lift up the large crossbow.

"Oh god." Tim face-palmed, "Who in their right mind got _you_ a crossbow?"

"Nobody."

"But you got it from someone!"

"Not from someone in their right mind. And it's from two people, actually."

"Dare I ask who?"

"Scarecrow and Riddler."

"Oh god, why?"


End file.
